Hey it’s Brassnooch, here we go. Steelers gonna pick new players today and I got some opinions on the matter. As Bloomfield’s top shwag dealer I sell shitty weed for $30 an ounce to many people who claimed to have met the Steelers. So I kinda got a direct line to the front office. More than you do jagoff, so shut your crap yapper. I don’t like your fancypants attitude already blondie so you better shut that Slovac mouth of yours and listen up bout who the Steelers gonna draft.
Today is the 2nd and 3rd rounds of the draft in jagoff New York City. Steelers got two picks today and I think they should take some risks with their draft and address some situational needs. Here we go!
2nd Round: Tyler Foster Horowitz
It looks like back in the 90’s Barry Foster knocked up a waitress in Squirrel Hill and their son played football at Slippery Rock. Actually he did the pre-game show but he got good bloodlines. His dad ran for 1,690 yards in a season so even though he ain’t played football never I figure cause he’s Barry Foster’s son he can run for 845 yards at least, right?
He’s a little Jewish kid fancy pants but his 5’7 165 pound frame can only get bigger. I mean take a gamble on Barry Foster’s lovechild Jewish skinny kid in the 2nd round and pick a sure thing in the 3rd. I know just the guy. Here we go!
3rd Round: Darrell “Dookie” Brassnooch
Hey my brother might be a secret retard but I seen that look in his eyes when the Steelers game is on and I’m just saying the kid doesn’t know his dick from his elbow, but he’s running for Mayor and he went to Devry University of Pheonix’s website so I think he’s eligible.
One time we were playing neighborhood football in the cemetery and it was the last play and no one was open so I handed it off to him and he got all weird and ran down and scored a touchdown than he pulled his dingy out and start peeing in the air. The guy said we weren’t allowed in the cemetery no more. Geez Louise, I hope I didn’t say nothing that would hurt his campaign. But anywho, he can run the ball and if the Steelers ever need that trick play weird ending to a playoff game I know my slow brother Dookie can win it for the black and gold.
Three keys to the Steelers Season:
Run the ball
Hand it off Ben!
Steelers need to run the ball more is all I’m gonna say.
Peace and Big Old Titties Mother Fucker,
Danny Brassnooch is the oldest of 32 sons. He has been an American all of his life and proudly served in the Coast Guard’s puppet show program called, “Save the Whales” for three hours before being fired for calling his boss, Keith Flerbman, Queef Fartman 18 times and Mr. Queefer Sutherman 10 times. Other than that he mostly sells shitty weed and talks about the Steelers to the Megatouch at Gooski’s.