This could easily become a long-running weekly feature, because the cannon from which I have to draw is surely a wide one. But this week the first prize goes to The Iron Sheik. Sheik was an 80’s WWF wrestling icon that was a ridiculous character, and he didn’t just play one on Tv. He was the real deal. Sheiky Baby was from Iran, was a legitimately awesome amateur wrestler, spoke of hating American, was a Muslim and trained not with weights but with Iranian Clubs. That’s a story unto itself, since those clubs reportedly weigh 90 lbs a piece and he could lift them above his head and do all sorts of exercises that puny girly-men could only dream of performing.
In the present, The Iron Sheik is a Hall of Famer in wrestling. But he’s totally nuts. He constantly speaks of his 10-inch cock and trashes the people he hates, which are a plethora. His catchphrase is a long one but I can quote it since I’ve laughed and repeated it as a mantra with my high school friends, “First, I suplex him, then I put him in Camel Clutch and break his back, then I fuck his ass, make him humble.” Seriously, he says it at least half a dozen times in every interview he does. He also loves to call people motherfuckers and faggots, though Sheik has gone on record on the Howard Stern show as saying him sodomizing another man isn’t gay it’s just showing superiority. Ladies and gentlemen, the Iron Sheik.