By Chaz Bolte
MILLVALE, PA – A Pittsburgh Steelers fan, who was later identified as Terry “Triple Terry” Wojzniych of Sharpsburg), spent
the entirety of Thursday nights Steelers vs. Eagles Preseason game professing to the patrons of Sidelines Bar and Grill that, “they had better listen up, because if the Steelers don’t start running the damn ball up the middle it was going to be 2009 all over again.” He also informed the crowd that, “Big Ben was looking a little soft cause he married that chubby Polish looking girl” and that “Charlie Batch had better be ready to save our asses again.” He later went on to praise Charlie Batch’s charitable work through his “Best of the Batch” foundation to a small group of college kids who had gathered outside to smoke a cigarette. He then shouted, “One a yinz jagoffs better let me use your cell phone to call my old lady or she’s gonna be all mad and shit when I get home.”
John “Seabass” Miller, the bartender on duty at the time of the incident, told us that this was a very minor offense compared to his usual Steelers game shenanigans. “He gets kicked out of here almost every other game. He’s always shouting, throwing beers at the TV’s, using racial slurs in every other sentence, trying to smell women’s hair. You know typical creepy yinzer shit.”, said Miller. He added, “I mean he’s right. The Steelers should run the ball more, especially up the gut. He’s also right that they should use Isaac Redman more too. But it’s the way he creeps people out, that’s why we have to 86 him so much. He even creeps out Bueller.” Bueller, could not comment but seemed content with his light beer. Bar regular Josh “Party!” Rakers said, “Triple Terry is a cool guy and he is right, we should run the ball more, but he’s always staring at my girls boobs and he calls people gay way too much.” He added that, “It was typical yinzer shit.”
Secret Party Room tried to reach Wojzniych but his Cricket phone had been shut off due to delinquent payment. When contacted by email Wojzniych said, “That he would only agree to be interviewed via an email to his personal account (firstname.lastname@example.org), and that I could only ask him three questions so I had better make them good.
The following is the transcript of the emails.
Secret Party Room: Why is your nickname “Triple Terry”?
Terry Wojzniych: Because I am Triple the Terry of any Terry you know.
Secret Party Room: Do you want to explain your side of any of the altercations that have led to your removal from Sidelines Bar and Grill during Steelers games?
Terry Wojzniych: All I know is if Bill Cowher was still coaching the Pittsburgh Steelers, a.k.a. the greatest and classiest professional sports organization in the history of the world ever, they would run the ball more and I wouldn’t have to get so upset. I blame the Rooney family for most of it, and I ain’t one to say nothing bad ‘bout the Rooney’s ‘n at, they have treated me like a prodigious son. In many ways they’ve taught me all I know.
Secret Party Room: What do you want Steeler Nation to know?
Terry Wojzniych: That all of those Kordell Stewart rumors are true. I got an Uncle who works for the Pittsburgh Police and he was one of the cops who busted him being some kind of pansy in Frick Park and then Bill Cowher come down and get him out of trouble. My Uncle told me that so it’s true, ‘cause you can’t call a cop a liar or everyone will think you’re a dick. He told me so, but none of you believed me.
The NFL pre-season is also a warm up for Wojzniych who ignores the Pirates from April to August, in what he calls “Settlers Cabin Wave Pool season.” Wojzniych sees January as his busy season in that he spends the weekdays informing the Penguins power play unit that they need to “shoot the puck” in preparation for his weekly breakdown at Bruce Arians inability to call running plays on 3rd and 6.