{FROM THE PANTRY} — Official Joey Lawrence fan club Local 301 celebrates 20th Anniversary at Applebee’s in Schenectady

August 30th, 2011 marked the 20th anniversary of the first meeting of the Official Joey Lawrence Fan club Local 301. Founder and current President Emma Donnetelli was joined by the 4 remaining members and original “woah!rior” Sophia Manganello, who was asked to leave after she got all “New York on their asses” by ordering a Ketel One and tonic. Gina Spampanettello, Local 301 secretary explained the situation as, “Just a city girl trying to party in Jersey when she can’t fucking hang.” She than added, “Whatever we are here to celebrate Joseph’s career. Not some cabbagey bitch who forgot where the fuck she was from.”

Remaining members of Joey Lawrence Fan Club local 301

Emma Donnetelli, said that she missed the scene, “because she was ordering up a Grape Ape from that dumb bitch bartender.” A grape ape is slang for a mixed drink made of grape vodka and red bull that Jersey girls order when they are trying to get either A.) “super shitty or whatever” or B.) “fucked.” The bartender was Linda Cardelli, who left the Local 301 after the cancelation of Blossom in 1995 along with its 26 other members. The remaining four get together monthly to discuss “how far they would go with Joey Lawrence on a first date” (the consensus was they would all totally fuck his brains out) and the latest episode of Melissa and Joey, a show that even Joey Lawrence himself has never even heard of.

“Keeping the girls together over all these years means so f’ng much to me” said

Applebee's house DJ and weiner pointer Dirty Dan

Donnetelli who then ordered another Grape Ape because it was, “totally time to get shitty with my bitches!” She than claimed that the song “Single Ladies” by Beyonce was totally about her and her girls as Applebee’s house D.J. Dirty Dan continually pointed  at them and then his ween to the rhythm.

In a painful bout of irony Joey Lawrence actually showed up to the meeting to surprise the only remaining chapter of his fan club. Expecting an emotional outpour he walked up to them and offered to buy them all a drink but unrecognized was told, “To get his old balls the fuck out of there.” Lawrence than drank a bottle of 99 Bananas behind the Schenectady Applebee’s while receiving a hand job from Manganello. When asked about the situation Manganello said, “that was Joey Lawrence? Shit, if I had known that I would have blown him.”

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