{FROM THE PANTRY} — 73 Year Old Failed Musician Blames Problems on Former Drummer, Not Heroin Addiction

BROOKLYN, NY — Jimmy “Dinnerbell” Jenkins hasn’t played a show for anyone but the pile of cardboard boxes behind the Organic Market on  Putnam and Franklin Avenues in Brooklyn’s Bed-Stuy neighborhood for over 25 years and according to him you can blame that fact on former drummer Sylvester “Boots” Ryers, not his horrible heroin addiction. “That mother fucker sold me out,we was brothers, now I ain’t seen no one in over two decades. Mother fuckin ass-holes.” His right arm dangling and discolored from a case of gang green that has been untreated for nearly 3 years Jenkins says he keeps himself alive, “out of hopes i’ll see that mother fucker one more time and he can go tell everyone down at The Bootyroom that I never did no fuckin’ Heroin that night.” Jenkins seemed unaware that The Bootyroom had been closed since Mayor Giuliani took office in 1994, most likely because of his horrible addiction to heroin.”Heroin ain’t got shit to do with shit mother fucker. Boots done betrayed my ass. Ain’t no one taken me seriously since and ain’t no Heroin got anything to do with it.” Sylvester “Boots” Ryers could not be reached for comment, because Jenkins killed him during an altercation in which Jenkins unknowingly jumped and stabbed his former band mate and best friend to rob his money and go buy some heroin with it.”

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