The Pitt vs. Penn State Rivalry and Other Things Best Left in the Past

I helped the Pitt Panthers defeat the Penn State Nittany Lions for the national championship in 1994.  I was Eleven.

It was played in the stadium made up of both my parents and the neighbors backyards.  I rolled out from intense pressure and threw my neighbor Johnny Lavia the game winning pass in the corner of the end zone.  He had to dive around my neighbors tree to haul it in.

Funny thing is that just two weeks later we both defeated Penn State to win the NCAA basketball tournament, which that year was played in his parents backyard.  He was the starting shooting guard that made the last second shot under pressure and I was the power forward who tipped it in for the win.

We played for Pitt and we played against Penn State because that was the rivalry, and even though it was no longer the year’s marquee game of the eastern football schedule we were surrounded by family members and neighbors who remembered when it was.

I remember the last Pitt/Penn State game at Three Rivers Stadium. Yes, THAT Three Rivers Stadium.  Pitt won 12-0.  It was a weird game.

A freshman at Pitt or Penn State would have been 2 years old when it occurred.  The rivalry hadn’t been meaningful for a solid decade before that.  Perhaps that is why this current version of the rivalry feels slightly meaningless.

The kidz don’t know their history.

I remember sitting at old Pitt Stadium when my cousin Mark would take me to games in the mid to late 90’s.  I remember singing along with the thousand deep student section as they changed the words to the Pitt Fight song so that it said “Freshmen suck! Penn State sucks!  P E N N S T SUCKS!”

It really didn’t make much sense.  They hundreds of kids that make up the current student section don’t sing it anymore.

Pitt Penn State Pitt Stadium 1998

A view of a sold-out Pitt Stadium for the Pitt-Penn State game in 1998. (John Beale/Post-Gazette)

Let’s get to the point…….

The rivalry is never going to be what it used to be, because for very different reasons neither Pitt or Penn State will ever be what it used to be.

As football teams.  Not academic institutions.

Pitt is a basketball school now.  They play in the ACC and not the Big East.  Sports fans in Pittsburgh wrote them off long ago and are unlikely to get excited about a November game at an empty Heinz Field against the Duke Blue Devils or the Wake Forrest Demon Deacons.

Kids aren’t in their backyards right now in suburban Pittsburgh pretending to be the quarterback of the Pitt Panthers.

Pitt football is never going to be a big thing again

Penn State is, well, ummm……

It’s kind of like…. Well…..I mean……What can you say?

They will never recover from what happened there.  To make it worse their fans are the sports equivalent of Donald Trump supporters.  They aren’t going to accept the truth.  They aren’t going to let it affect the way the act and feel.  The truth ain’t the truth.  They are correct.  The media has it out for them.

You can say what you want and they will respond with a simple “WE ARE.”


We know.  We get it.

It’s almost sad.  There is nothing good to say about it.  No good can come from saying anything about the situation.

Seriously though I get it.

I’ve sat in Beaver Stadium.  I’ve heard the fans chant “WE ARE!”.  I understand that it means more than just two words.  I understand that Penn State is about more than a football team.

I understand that it is a reputable institution in terms of academics.  But now, unfortunately, only academics.

In the same respect the dozens of hardcore Pitt fans are the sports equivalent of Bernie Sanders supporters.  They have a completely unrealistic view of what their team is capable of.  They get super upset when confronted with reality.  The system is obviously rigged if the masses can’t see what they see.  As hyped as they were in spring practices they won’t care about college football anymore come November.

It’s like two old boxers who can’t hang with the type of opponents they used to so they just fight each other.  They hype it up and play on nostalgia.  Then they deliver a mediocre product.

That is what these teams deliver these days, mediocre products, and for very different reasons they deserve to not be cared about.

Because these were two proud programs who produced legendary players and heroes.  They took kids from all around Pennsylvania and made them men and sent them back to their hometowns as examples of how to do things the right way.  They became teachers and football coaches and raised generations of Pitt and Penn State players and fans.

Western Pennsylvania was a better place because of this rivalry.

They played each other yearly and it was a meaningful game with national championship implications or at least bowl game implications or in the worse years implications at the water cooler.

But a lot can happen in 16 years, and it has, and I don’t feel the way I should about this game I grew up watching.  This game I played so many times in my backyard.  This game that was everything that was right about football and Western Pennsylvania.

I really wish these two teams would never play each other again.


Donny from up the street has died


I grew up in suburban Pittsburgh on a dead end street lined by trees.  It ventured downhill steeply and then leveled off before ending at a cliff that again fell sharply and then terraced down to Little Pine Creek.  I lived right there at the end of Braun Street. I lived there until I went away to college and then a few times more.  My parents still live there.  It is my home base.

In the middle of the street, on the same side, was a house just a little older than the others where Donny Dankmyer spent his entire life.

He was born there; he returned from Korea there; he spent the rest of his life there.

To some Donny Dankmyer was a war buddy, to some a family member, and to some he was the cantankerous old man in the RV who liked to walk the track behind the intermediate school.

To the kids on Braun Street he was Donny from up the street. The old man who sat on his porch, often with no shirt, and joked with us.

He was a great man.

He was simple.  He was kind.  He cared about his neighbors.

Donny Dankmyer died without fanfare.

Just as simple as his life was his end, a small ceremony on a Thursday in the Mt. Royal Mausoleum at 11 AM.  No visitations.

He spent his life at the center of Braun Street, both physically and figuratively.

It was always his home base.  It was the place he prayed to return to when he was half away around the world as teenager experiencing first hand the true horror of war.

He played many roles.  Though he lived his whole life on one street he was a traveler who saw much of the U.S.   He was a lifelong bachelor.  In later years he was a reminder of a previous time.

He was the historian of Braun Street.  He saw the whole thing happen.  He knew exactly who was who, when was when, and what was what.

Most of all he was an individual.

We always got along.

In the elementary school years he would hide behind his screen door just visible enough to be slightly seen and use an old train whistle to startle me as I passed his house on my way home from the bus stop on Mt. Royal.  I would look around and he would do it again, but louder, as if the train was coming at me.

Then he would laugh and open the door and come out onto the porch and ask me how my day went.  We would talk for a minute or two and I would go home.

As I got older the train whistle stopped, all though in my college years he loved to remind me of it for a laugh.

When I would pass his house in middle and high school we would talk about the weather or the Steelers or what was going on in Shaler for a few moments.

It was always pleasant.

When I went to college I would always go out of my way to talk to him.  Really, to visit him.  Honestly, at points it was to check in on him.

I’d park my car and unload a month of laundry from my trunk and take them to the basement of my parent’s house.  Then I would walk up Braun Street to say hi to Donny, and see what was new.

I always enjoyed our talks.

The tradition went on when I moved away after college, first to Colorado and eventually to Brooklyn.  Seeing Donny on his porch when I came home became more and more important to me.

It was a signal to me that all though everything was changing rapidly there was still something constant.

No matter what was happening in my life I could rest assured that Donny was on his porch, likely with no shirt, looking out at the landscape he had seen since his birth silently pleased.

As time passed I came home less and less.  


When I returned to get married I made sure to find time to tell him.  As always he smiled and said “That’s great!”

He was always nice to me.


Perhaps because he just saw me as me.  A kid and then guy who went out of his way to say hi and be nice to him.

While he had joked with the children of Braun Street for his entire life I was one in a handful that never got too old to talk to him.  I think we both enjoyed our talks.

There is no doubt that I will always remember Donny Dankmyer.  Just as there is no doubt that I will always view him as a great guy.


Donny Dankmyer lived in one house his entire life.  He watched both a street and a community grow from a spattering of houses that had popped up on old farms to a suburb and then to an extension of metropolitan Pittsburgh.  


He never appointed himself the Mayor of our street.  He never tried to lead a resistance to the changes being made that erased his family’s history or sullied the landscape he had watched over for a lifetime.  He instead decided to remain a constant.  


Constantly an individual.  Constantly present.  Constantly pleasant to those who took a moment out of their day to say hello and shoot the breeze with Donny up the street.

His neighbors who always liked him and in the later years collectively checked in on him, making sure he was ok, will miss him.

Going back to Braun Street knowing that Donny won’t be on his porch waiting for a quick chat is disheartening.  However, the memory of Donny will go on in the hearts and mind of every kid that ever grew up on Braun Street as the nice man who liked to say hi and would waive, or sometimes make train whistle sounds, as you passed.

For some of us he will be remembered as a man who had an effect on our lives, just by sitting there on his porch and being nice.

Just for being Donny from up the street.

May his spirit live on forever in the neighbors who knew him and may they make sure to smile and wave at the children of Braun Street, so they too can have a calming presence in an ever-changing world on some kid who may need it.


Pittsburgh Steelers: Day 2 Draft Predictions

Note: I’m just going to be honest.  I ran out of time today.  I am taking my wife out to dinner tonight and I didn’t have time to finish this.  So it kind of trails off at the end. Apologies.

So the Steelers got their cornerback.  It’s quite likely it wasn’t the one they wanted.  William Jackson III of Houston went off the board with pick 24 to the Bungles and Burns was likely the next on the board.  So now he is a Steeler.

Can we please start calling him Mr. Burns?

While he is a project at least he is a project worth taking on.  It might take a bit, but at this point it doesn’t matter.  They needed a corner for quite sometime.  Unfortunately, the truth is we still need more corners.

Before I get into my day 2 predictions I’d like to reflect on a conversation I had with the one and only Juan Kool the day after the draft a year or two ago.  About what fuels the obsession with the NFL draft.  Perhaps with drafts in general.  It’s really the only event in which all franchises play a role.  It’s the merger between college football and pro football.  It’s an event.  I have always loved the draft.  Even if it means watching the Steelers defy logic at all times.

Day 2 Predictions

The needs are still the same.  The Steelers need more help in their secondary, likely a safety, and they need a DT.  The Burns selection is a signal that this year they are drafting for need.  So I expect the two choices made today to be at these positions.  However there is still the wild card possibility if there is a guy the Steelers are really high on.  I would say that Hunter Henry would be a possibility if he were to fall.  But the Green signing makes that pretty unnecessary.

The name of the day seems to be Jeremy Cash of Duke. He is a safety the Steelers are high on and would fill a major need.  Unfortunately the chances of him still being there in round three are now slim and they may have to reach with their second round pick to get him.  That is if he is still on the board.

Round Two:

I expected the Steelers to go Defensive Tackle in the first and they did not.  Now I expect them to go DT in the second, but again, they may not.  Because Cash may be too tempting.  And if that is the guy they want than they should do it.  Even if it’s a reach.

Franchises are god at certain things.  As good as the Steelers are at selecting wide receivers in later rounds they are equally as bad at selecting defensive backs.  If Cash is an NFL player than get him.  If he is gone go value to make up for the First round reach and pick a DT.  Here is a look at who may be available with pick #58.

Andrew Billings, Baylor

Does Billings drop to pick 58?  If so the Steelers could get value in the second to make up for their slight reach in the first.

Austin Johnson, Penn State

If this pick happens expect all out Yinzer pandemonium.  While Johnson might not be in the top-tier of prospect he is a solid member of tier 2.  He is better than what they have currently, which is nothing.

Jarran Reed, Alabama

While A’Shawn Robinson has grabbed the attention perhaps Reed is the better prospect.  At least he is on par with Robison.  Could be a good selection.

Of course, this could be the draft they go all out on the secondary.

So let’s look at safeties other than Cash.

How about Justin Simmons of Boston College?  Here is a preview of Simmons from the PG:

Colbert and head coach Mike Tomlin talked about “hearts and smarts” this week when discussing the failures they’ve had in drafting corners and safeties in recent years. Well, Simmons is smart, tall (6-2) and athletic and could be a perfect fit as a free safety for the Steelers. Simmons’ selection means Mike Mitchell would move to strong safety, but that’s OK. Mitchell is a physical player with the skill set to bounce back and forth between both safety positions.

Well… Let’s get to it.

With the 58th selection of the NFL Draft the Pittsburgh Steelers select:

Jeremy Cash, Safety, Duke

Round Three

If the Steelers go Safety in Round Two it’s likely they go DT in Round Three.

Bronson Kaufusi, DT, BYU

Javon Hargrave, DT, South Carolina State

A small school athlete that would be a swing for the fences pick.  With the lack of picks the Steelers have in this draft they need to go for it at some point.  This could be it.

D.J Reader, DT, Clemson

Three big DT’s that could fill a need.  That is if they are still needed.

If the Steelers go DT in Round Two expect them to go Safety here.  Three choices would be:

Miles Killebrew, S, Southern Utah

T.J. Green, S, Clemson

Deandre Houston-Carson, S, William & Mary

A Safety of William & Mary would be a story that wrote itself.

With the 89th pick of the NFL draft the Pittsburgh Steelers select….

Javon Hargrave, DT, South Carolina State


Steelers Draft Prediction: First Round

Here we go….

My annual predictions on who the Steelers will select in the NFL Draft/my annual adding to the record that either I don’t know anything about football or the Steelers draft whoever they want no matter their needs.

Yes.  I started my writing career as a football writer.  No.  I am no longer a football writer.

Take that in consideration when you make your comments.

So even though it likely won’t mean anything to those in the Steelers war room, let’s take a look at the Steelers main needs and how they compare to the draft class’ strengths.

Primary need: Cornerback/Safety

Secondary need: Defensive Tackle

It is so obvious that the Steelers need a cornerback that it is unlikely they will draft one.  Hell, be honest, would you be shocked if they took yet another linebacker?

This year could be the year for a cornerback though. (The Steelers last CB taken in the first round was Chad Scott in 1997)  Things seem to align. The Steelers have the 25th selection of the first round, putting them in prime position to get the 3rd or 4th best corner on the board.  Jalen Ramsey is a top 5 pick and Vernon Hargreaves will be gone soon after.

This leaves Mackensie Alexander of Clemson, Eli Apple of Ohio State, William Jackson of Houston, Kendall Fuller of Virginia Tech, and Artie Burns of Miami.

Of this group the two that interest me the most are Apple of Ohio State and Burns of Miami.

Apple is a winner.  The Steelers have a penchant for selecting Buckeyes.  He fills a serious need.

Of the cornerbacks my selection would be Apple.

But the Steelers could also go the Defensive Tackle route, and to be honest this may be their best bet.  This is the strongest defensive tackle draft class in some time and with the loss of Steve McLendon, who wasn’t very good anyway, they have a giant hole right in the center of their defense.

The three most likely targets for the steelers will be Andrew Billings of Baylor, Vernon Butler of Louisiana Tech, and A’Shawn Robinson of Alabama.

Of these three I see Billings as the most likely choice.  All three are 3-4 nose tackles.  All three will likely be solid.  Butler may be a bit of a stretch at a position where there is no reason to reach and Robinson has been trending downward in recent mocks.

Here is a brief bio of Billings from DraftTek:

Billings slots into the void at Nose Tackle left by Steve McLendon’s departure in Free Agency. The Steelers would like a NT who can play some as a one-gap DT in sub-packages to spell Heyward and Tuitt. Billings shows on tape as an explosive penetrator, almost unblockable one-on-one, but he’s of the stature and powerful build to play a 2-gap NT in the base defense. The Steelers did not bring him in for a visit but sent everybody but the groundskeeper to his Pro Day and took him out to dinner to see what he’s about. The Steelers take lots of fliers on late-round defensive linemen like LT Walton, Nick Williams, and Dan McCullers who are Size/Weight/Agility prospects with decidedly mixed results. Here in the first, they can pick up a player with good tape from a power-5 conference who has similarly-unworldly agility for his weight (4.94- 40, 32″ vertical at his Pro Day) without the long odds.

So before I make the pick for the Steelers let’s take a look at the third option, the what if this guy falls option.

In my view that option is West Virginia safety Karl Joseph.

The truth is he likely won’t be there at 25, but if he was….

He would be the perfect Steeler.  By all accounts a team leader, a hard hitter, and a player that fills a position of need.

But how about this… instead of me trying to explain why Joseph would be a good fit for the Steelers how about I just direct you to this video, which by the way is titled “Karl Joseph kills a man in Texas.”

So who it be?

So the 25th selection is upon us.  Joseph is off the board.  The Steelers have to pick between the remaining cornerbacks and defensive tackles.  I am the GM.

With the 25th selection the Pittsburgh Steelers select….

Nose Tackle from Baylor, Andrew Billings.

Solid pick.  Fills a major need. Allows the Steelers to take care of the secondary on Day Two of the draft.

Let me leave you with a question… Why does every highlight video have to have the worst rap song ever as its soundtrack?  How many horrible rap songs does the world need?  Why do bad rap songs make me feel like this dude?

Check back tomorrow for my Day Two Steelers predictions.

The Pittsburgh Dream Team

Happy Birthday Pittsburgh!  Looking sexy at 200 I must say…


As part of the birthday podcast I am doing the Pittsburgh Dream Team, think 92′ Olympics basketball team made up of non-athletes from Pittsburgh who play other city’s squads in a rock and jock basketball style tournament.

For more in-depth analysis on this team check out the podcast.  Here is the roster announcement, for those who are interested in the roster that we put forward for my imaginary tournament.

Here it is.  The roster, front office and all…

Center: Jeff Goldblum: West Mifflin/Chaos U (Prep to Pro)


Standing 6 foot 4 out of Chaos U.  Jeff Goldblum!  Holding down the front court is one of America’s true treasures, repping Pittsburgh in the perfect way, by never mentioning it and just being a cool ass dude.

Power Forward: Dan Cortese: Quaker Valley/UNC


With the rock and jock format the Pittsburgh Dream Team’s biggest advantage may be having Mr. Rock and Jock himself.  Former backup quarterback at UNC and ageless heart-throb, Dan Cortese is Pittsburgh’s Stamos, and I feel like he could bring down some boards while winking at broads.

Small Forward: Wiz Khalifa: Taylor Alderdice/(Prep to Pro)


He’s really from North Dakota, but he calls Pittsburgh home, so he can play the three.  He’s lanky, he can probably ball, and he can take the away teams out the night before games to give us the home court advantage.

Shooting Guard: Michael Keaton: Montour/Kent State


Intensity personified, the king of all eyebrow actors Michael Douglas, yes his real name is Michalel Douglas, is our two guard.  I bet he can shoot, he gets into it at Pirates games.  He was the best Batman (fact not opinion).  Keaton is my favorite of all Pittsburgh celebs.

Point Guard: Mark Cuban: Mt. Lebanon/Indiana


Dude is boss. Genius, leader, strong knowledge of basketball, entertaining. leader, visionary.  All adjectives that describe both a point guard and Mark Cuban.  Also bonus points for funding the whole thing


Mac Miller: Winchester-Thurston/Taylor Alderdice

I don’t know….Mac Miller would get a spot.  He’s a white rapper.  That’s a thing.  He seems nice.  Every team needs a victory cigar.  He could help Wiz with hospitality.

Donnie Iris:New Castle/Slippery Rock University

The King of Cool is a little old, but I bet he still can board.  long wingspan.  solid defender? I don’t know I’ve never seen the dude ball.  He’s got the Kurt Rambis glasses though and he is beloved.  He’s on the team.

Dennis Miller: Keystone Oaks/Point Park

The team needs some snark.  It needs a loud mouth.  It needs an agitator.  Dennis Miller is in.  He also gives the team some street cred with his Point Park alumni status.  I mean who doesn’t fear a Point Park grad?

Greg Gillis: Chartiers Valley/Case Western Reserve

Basketball is chemistry.  Girl Talk was a chemist.  He will bring the celebs.  He will spin the after parties.  I wouldn’t be shocked if he had a decent range.

Zachary Quinto: Upper Saint Clair/Carnegie Mellon

So I did not know dude was from Pittsburgh, I assumed he was a permanent resident of the Hamptons.  No, not that Hampton, the Hamptons.  Dude is tall. Dude is likeable.  Dude is on the team.

Joe Manganiello: Mt. Lebanon/Carnegie Mellon

So…this is a very famous gent, and I have no clue who he is, but we need some dudes.  The next level of Pittsburgh celeb is the fat guy from Mike and Molly who is really a Floridian and the guy who won the joe Schmo Show.  So this guy.  Who seems really famous.

Front Office:

President/CEO: Gov. John Kasich


McKees Rocks own and the only normal republican, John Kasich loses the nomination but gets his dream job of running my fictional basketball team that will play in a fictional Rock and Jock basketball tournament.

Director: George Romero

You can’t leave old George out, but I don’t see what he does…. so he is just the Director.

Director of Social Media: @PSAMP

PSAMP!!! PSAMP!!! PSAMP!!! the greatest human being on Twitter runs our social media feeds, bartends team events, and curates our playlist.

Strength and conditioning coach: Kurt Angle


I wish he could play center, but no athletes.  Kurt Angle is pretty awesome.  He can beef up dudes like Wiz and Donnie Iris.  Bonus points for being our secret weapon in bench clearing brawls.

Fanboy/Diabetes spokesman: Bret Michaels

Dude is kind of from Butler, which isn’t really Pittsburgh, so its kind of hard, but let’s be honest….he’d find a way to be involved.  So this is his position.  He was born for it.

Announcers: Mark Madden, John Clayton, Spencer’s cousin Pat Gallagher

This is an ELITE broadcast team.  First off Double M, the super genius, can be the main guy and host the pre and post show.  John Clayton can provide the deep analysis, and spencer’s cousin Pat Gallagher who hosts wrestling Newz and Viewz on Butler county public access is dedicated and deserves a spot as the third guy.

Retired numbers: Fred Rogers, Gene Kelly, Andy Warhol

They are dead, but not forgotten, they get banners in the rafters.

Let’s Tell The Truth About Trump Supporters

So it hit me, like a bolt of “really great, really really great” lightning.  The thing that makes Donald Trump’s campaign strong is that it is fueled by the social outcasts of America, who want to punish the rest of us who are happy and content so that we have to feel their pain.

Each street has houses that may as well have been abandoned.  You never see anyone outside of them.  No cars in the driveway, but the yards aren’t overgrown.  The properties aren’t dilapidated.

Someone has to live there.  Sitting alone in a hidden room, watching Fox News by themselves, scared of the outside world.  Wanting it to go back to the old days when they still were a part of society.  Before they shut themselves off from everything.  Before they gave into the fear.

That person is a Donald Trump supporter, and they want you to pay for not also giving into the fear.

Let’s be honest in a way the happy and content deserve it, a little bit, for not helping their neighbor.  For not inviting them over for tea or a beer.  Now we will pay.  Our children will pay.  Things are about to get real.

The truth is that we area nation on the brink of collapse and Trump is going to push off us the cliff.  Straight into a civil war with no geographical sides, race vs. race, neighbor vs. neighbor.  It is going to be a living hell, and its exactly what the outcasts of America want.

They want to watch their fantasies of the world outside of their houses collapse on live tv.  They want us all to pay for flaunting our happiness as we walk down the street with our families as they view us through the blinds covering a window that faces the street, shuddering from the light.

These are dangerous people.  They have been brainwashed by Fox News.  They likely have deep religious beliefs.  They will make Donald Trump our president.  They will watch the world burn.  They think they will ascend into heaven to meet their maker instead of dying like the rest of us.

They hate us.  Donald Trump supporters hate the content and happy.  They hate the free thinkers.  Most of all, they hate those who do not allow themselves to be governed by fear.

So let’s be honest.  Unless we all vote for another candidate.  Trump becomes the president.  The nation collapses.  The world burns.  We all die, and that is it.  Because that is what happens.

Death is final and the creatures that lurk around America hating everything that moves, they are going to lead us to our demise, and a little bit of it is our fault.  Because we didn’t stop the crazies.

So say hi to weirdos.  Tell those who hate to have a nice day.  Smile as you pass the house you’ve always wondered about.  Maybe they will feel included.  Maybe they will call off the dogs.

It might be the only thing that saves us from a free fall into brutal horrible death.


The New Pod, Some 90’s Nostalgia, and the Fear of a New American Century

A few updates from Chaz Bolte central, the secret headquarters of all things mildly OK tucked in the pines near the quarry lake in Slippery Rock, PA.  Wait….. no, that’s not where it is, don’t look for me there, it’s somewhere else.

Anyway, the new podcast is still working out the bugs.  I recorded an episode and it just wasn’t right.  There were many problems with it, so I didn’t release it.  Most of all I noticed that having only one host makes for boring listening.  So to remedy that scenario I am pleased to announce that I will have a co-host, the one and only Greg Ernzer.

With some new technology on board and with a new direction this thing will be off the ground in no time.  Of course that is also what they said about the space shuttle Challenger.

On Super Bowl sunday I released the first of many essays about the 90’s, what they mean, what life means, and what we as a generation should try to remember about them.  It got a little bit of discussion going on Facebook, but was mostly swallowed up and lost in the media mess that is the Super Bowl.  To be honest I did it on purpose.  I kind of want to limit the discussion on this one, because too much feedback from people I didn’t want feedback from would stop me from moving forward.  I really hate hearing from people who have dumb things to say.  This got some good discussion going so I will continue, and the next essay will likely be up over the weekend.

Tonight is the New Hampshire primaries.  I have completely kept my voice out of the election cycle, all though let’s be honest: this is what I was born to write about.

I am not allowed to write about the things I would like to write about due to the people who pay me to write about the things I am forced to write about .  However without naming names, well I guess I have to name a name, I have to admit the scariest candidate of all to me is Marco Rubio. He is basically the republican Obama.  he seems dangerously inexperienced.  He scares the shit out of me.  His campaign slogan is seriously “A New American Century.”  As in the thinktank piece written in the late 90’s by the neo-con’s who made up the Bush Administration that said the only way conservative goals could be achieved was with a “new Pearl Harbor.”  The cover of the report showed the Twin Towers with a target on it and an airplane flying into the buildings.  It was written before 9/11.  Most of the power players in the period between 9/11 and the march to war in Iraw wrote it.  It’s scary stuff.  Rubio either knowingly or unknowingly is using this as his theme.  I seriously wonder who controls him, because he just seems to be a robot on repeat.

So let’s see what happens tonight in New Hampshire.  Let’s see if his moment in the sun is over.  Because he is some scary sauce in a sea of scary sauces, and I don’t like babies or sauces, I’m not G. Love.

Sponge vs. Sunny Day Real Estate or An existential crisis on the meaning of the 90’s

I was talking to a college kid, he said the late 90’s/early 2000’s were probably weird.  He based it on this clip from the movie She’s All That.

So yeah, based just on this he was right.

We talked though.  It was interesting to get his perspective on things.  He said he didn’t really remember much before the year 2001.  I don’t remember much before 1990. We are 11 years apart in age.  It makes sense.

I went on a long rant in which I explained the positive nature of the 90’s, the optimism for the future, and the irrational fear of Y2K.  It helped me understand “the youth.” It helped him pass time as he performed his work study job of renting out film equipment at his college.

I continued my work day.

As the hours passed the splinter got deeper, the little thought on my mind that maybe I had spoken out of my ass on the 90’s.  The thought that the 90’s were nothing special, and I only remember them as being so because I was an optimistic young man living in the suburbs of a medium sized midwestern city and I didn’t know the reality of the world yet.

I started thinking about how many more records Sponge sold compared to Sunny Day Real Estate, and how anyone waxing nostalgic about 90’s music would go in depth to point out the importance of Sunny Day Real Estate while never mentioning The Flys, or Sponge, or any other crap L.A. band that sold millions of records and spent all their money on cocaine and impressing girls who were background actresses on Melrose Place, until they lost it all and had to manage a Guitar Center.

The truth is the truth.

According to the new truth, Wikipedia, Sunny Day real Estate’s Diary sold just over 231,000 copies.  According to this article Sponge’s Rotting Pinata sold over 1 million copies.

Yeah, one was corporate rock and the other was released on sub pop, i get it, but the point is the point.  In a capitalist world Sponge won.  In our nostalgic 90’s hearts Sunny Day Real Estate won.  So in the year 2016 who wins?  Who we want to be the winner or who made the most money?

And there you go, what was the reality of the 90’s?  Was it great?  Was it optimistic?  Do we remember it so fondly because we just really want to?

For every band barely scraping by, unwilling to bend on their artistic visions and values, that was inspired by Sunny Day Real Estate there is a band barely scraping by, trying their hardest to sell out as quickly as possible, who were inspired by Sponge.  In a world where everyone is equal, one is not better than the other.  However in the real world one is, and it is the band that was inspired by Sunny Day Real Estate.  Because corporate sell out music is for douchey hashtag visionaries and scarf wearers.


Hey pal, come see my band, we sound like #acraptakingacrap

Throughout the day I thought about the 90’s as a progressive era, how homoesexuality became more accepted in the mainstream. And then I remembered that certain affiliates refused to air the episode of Ellen where she came out.  And it made me think if that was really an accomplishment at all, and to that point if any recent milestone concerning equality for homosexuals is really worth celebrating, being that things should have always been equal.  If you get to marry your partner of 20 years in 2015, is that really a victory, because you probably should have been able to do so in 1995.  On a deeper note is any victory towards equality truly a victory or a sad reminder that we are still not all equal.

Woah, boy, easy now, reel it in.  Get back to Sponge.

The 90’s are to the modern generation of young teenagers what the 70’s where to me in the 90’s.  Shit, can that be true? Oh my.  It most certainly is.

I guess I understood the basic concept of the 70’s, to an extent.  I guess I understood that Led Zeppelin was important.  I don’t actually think I knew why though.  I probably still don’t.  I guess that is what I am getting at.  Trying to explain why the 90’s where important to a college kid is on the borderline of pointless, and I probably learned more about the 90’s from the conversation than he did.

In fact it probably meant nothing to him, and i’m not saying that in a mean way, I’m sure he enjoyed it, but I doubt it made him rethink things about what he viewed to be the truth as it had done for I.

I doubt that he began piecing together what was what and what it meant.

The 90’s were important to me, but maybe only because I can remember being young and optimistic, and filled with big dreams.  Things were simple, because i was a teenager, and not even for all of it.  The music I cite as influential from that decade wasn’t even the music I was listening to, because I was too young.

I didn’t hear Sunny Day Real Estate until a college kid named Jason Dangle gave me a mixed cd with some of their songs on it in the year 2000, at which time I was a high school junior.  When Diary came out I was listening to Sponge, because I didn’t know any better.  The music my older cousin’s would hip me to wasn’t even 90’s music, it was 80’s bands like XTC and the Psychadelic Furs or the early REM albums.  Half of that was probably because they viewed the REM albums that were current to the times, such as Out of Time as sell out bullshit, and wanted me to hear the original stuff.

That scenario reminds me of a time I was coaching junior high lacrosse in my mid 20’s, likely around 2009?  Some of the kids were playing music on the back of the bus during a road trip after an away game.  They began to take some requests.  Someone called out for “some oldies” and the kid playing DJ announced that he had “just the thing.”

They started playing  Blink 182’s “The Rock Show.”  They loved it.  They sang along and giggled.  It was a reminder of elementary school to them.  It infuriated me.  I started talking about Dude Ranch and Cheshire Cat and how great Blink 182 was when they first came out and about how even though they were goofy they actually wrote really solid pop songs.  None of them gave a single shit about what I was saying.  I felt really old and confused.

The truth is that anyone under the age of 30 reading this probably feels the way those kids did when I was talking to them.  If I can barely remember the 90’s why would they have interest in my thoughts on what they meant.

My first CD was Green Day’s Dookie, I got it for my 13th birthday, I then had to spend the next year buying CD’s from Columbia House.  Those bastards took my hard earned grass cutting money for years.  My parents warned me but I didn’t listen.  I thought Dookie was a really monumental album.  I thought Green Day was important.  It wasn’t and they aren’t.

Perhaps the reality for people like me, who are 33, and want to remember the 90’s as being something that they couldn’t even know if it really was, it’s based in the unfortunate truth that the decade that followed the 90’s was absolutely horrible.  Filled with dispair and national tragedy and perpetual war, economic collapse and a weird culture shift that still effects us today.

I had always wondered if people who are say 14 today know there was a “before time,” now i wonder if I know about the time before that and in reality what I know at all and if any of it is important.  Because using the modern measurement of success Sponge is better than Sunny Day Real Estate, and that is too much for me.

And with that, all of that gibberish and lament, I announce a new series of essays, lectures, rants towards the general direction of the internet, in which I will examine some 90’s issues, debate their worth, and ask for limited feedback and participation from the reader.  From the importance of the television show Roseanne to the most accurate high school movies of the era, to the fact that I have never understood the attraction to the movie Reality Bites.  We will talk about the 90’s, well, I will write about the 90’s.  Partially to leave a document for the younger people if they wish to know about it, but mostly to remind us, the Clinton generation, what was good about it.